The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
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