too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
Randomize
