The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
His butt is perfect. Like a twelve on a scale of one to ten. No idea about his personality or anything but that ass... I'm keeping him.
Randomize
