You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
Haga you didnt jbsii whee wu an therer
Party on wayne
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
Ps I think male models just broke down outside or maybe gay German sex travelers
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
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