well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
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