ahhh, you guys look like a cute little family in the cop car!
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
I only put bad things in my body...jack, caffeine, chocolate, pills, and rich's cock. It's like being holistic but exactly opposite
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
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