and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
super high. so of course there was a shoot out at the bank. there are 20 cop cars no lie. if i make it out of this i will never smoke again
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars.
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
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