i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
there is a time and a place for ass-grabbing and that was not it.
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
you had a pretty long talk with your shrooms in attempt to make them not give you a bad trip, it failed
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
Randomize
