I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
i was on the fire escape while he ate me out for a while before i realized he had shut the door behind us and locked us out and i proceeded to climb down the stairs and climb back into the party through the window.
i can only hope to be on your level one day.
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
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