my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
Wierdest expirience of my life this girl literally just knocked on my door at 140am to blow me in the shower. Idk what im doing but im doing it right
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
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