he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
turns out gay frats are just like normal frats, only with more v-necks
I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
there's a picture of him beating off in the library with a cowboy hat. please steer clear of this one if you ever want to be respected.
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
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