I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
I totally got off with my controler for my ps3. Soooo glad I ended up with that racing game for Christmas.
I'm okay, they said the swelling should go down in a week. But next time I'm shitwrecked, please make sure to remind me that I can't open a champagne bottle with corkscrew.
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
How many times a week can a couple have a threesome with the same guy before it becomes some sort of 3-way relationship?
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
Wow dude wow that's sad man so sad. I dno't event wanna massturbate anymore due to teh sadness
Randomize
