i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
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