I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
Randomize
