It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
Randomize
