i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
how the fuck is Katelyn 5'1" and 85 lbs and she tackled a bouncer to the ground?
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
Randomize
