all I know is if I don't watch spice world right now there will be a firefight.
Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
Randomize
