Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
You held your own hair and threw up into a red cup...I think they were more amazed than upset.
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
At 2pm we are having a MANDITORY house meeting about last night. ALL must be in attendance!
I'd like to review the planning and execution of the party to determine how we hosted a naked party, to determine how we can have more.
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
Randomize
