so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
Randomize
