Your sister thinks she pees out of her clit. Did you have Sex Ed or Sunday School growing up?
Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
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