Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
The greatest thing of my life happened today. I took a shit and it formed a smiley face. It's going to be a fucking fantastic day.
guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
And I'm ok with his balls touching my ass
Nuts. Absolutely nuts. she just screamed in my face something about not knowing whats happening and then got tackled by a dude
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
Brb crying the tears of my youth
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
Randomize
