maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
I either have a problem or a really good solution... I just ordered my homecoming dress off of a website that sells forplay outfits.
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
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