yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
My vagina just clenched in fear
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