i'm lost and i look like a hooker
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
Can we make sure camping doesn't turn into forest-orgy?
Lol, last year was UNREAL
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
He says we're "annoying" but that's an odd word to describe a couple of heroic liquor saiyans
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
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