One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
can we get together and have a vodka water gun fight? i need to get som intense excersise/alcohol
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
Randomize
