Dude i dont know how people can complain that waterboarding is such a bad thing. I just sat through a fucking puddle of mudd show. Now thats torture
A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
quadriplegic porn is always funny
no. no its not
You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
Randomize
