I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
i love my job...i have craft hour at my desk w twizzlers
can u grab me a application
Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
Randomize
