I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
bad idea #53- masterbating while on period.
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
Randomize
