Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
last night we were having sex and i didn't care if i got off. i was just holding up my hand behind his head so i could look at my new ring. i think he knew.
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
The last thing I remember was naked hot tub and taking a shot and using the hot tub water as a chaser. Not acceptable.
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
Randomize
