My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
he thought i was a dude.
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
Randomize
