we just decided that lesbian tuesdays are a must, as of tomorrow.
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
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