Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
My whole home page is your drunken face booking, congrats.
After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
Someone stole a lamp last night.
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
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