Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
Getting sheets for college, what is the thread count that shows the least amount of cumstains?
630.
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
Randomize
