I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
Randomize
