he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
I think that i just found proof that harry and ginny had sex
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
Randomize
