So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
ya, but you'll graduate college with a higher education. I'm looking at at least two addictions, an abortion, and a few weeks jail time.
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
Randomize
