brad dismisses pussy with prejudice
So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
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