I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
but what if he tries to talk dirty to me with the lisp?
I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
I'm pretty sure that waking up butt ass naked with a bottle of 151 and a note that said "I didn't want to wake you up, but thanks" proves I had a good time....god bless America
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
Randomize
