Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
Who do you think planted the wheat? Who do you think cleared the land and killed off the native inhabitants? Women?
lol earlier she was acting like a normal gf... and then BANG! shes touching herself again...
apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
Randomize
