We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
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