I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
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