The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
eww mummy girl is here...
what the fuckk. i just want to hold her down, wax her eyebrows, and give her some morals.
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
I'm not trying to analyze you I'm just saying you are being unfair to soup
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
Randomize
