New invention idea: vibrating tampons
quadriplegic porn is always funny
no. no its not
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?
I caught a glimpse of his penis. I can only imagine what your mom's vagina goes through because of that penis
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
I am available for nakedness
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
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