accomplished twins. life is a go
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
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