I just wanted to let you know that if you dont tell me to stop texting i will still keep on trying, you matter to me
restraining order is on its way, crazy bitch
We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
Sometimes I just want to kiss you without you pulling ur cock out and waving it at me
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
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