We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
Give me one reason I shouldn't put the phrase "sex emotions" into my essay.
No.
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
We were destined to go to rehab together
I'm sure he'll make the rejection quick and completely justified.
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
Randomize
