need another drink. this is the easiest way
omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
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