remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
I look better un-naked...
how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
Randomize
