What do they do with the elephants that die at the zoo
Cremation, why do you ask?
I think we have a bit of a problem
i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
He only uses me for sexual pleasure. The sad part is I don't even feel like a slut. I just I feel like I should just live in the top drawer of his nightstand....for free of course.
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
Ran into my prostitute at Costco yesterday. She was with her boyfriend, I was with my kids. Awwwwkward.
I found him. We're on the way back to the condo. He was sitting in the lifeguard stand letting people passing by take pictures of his nipples for a buck each..he made 15 dollars
I take back all of the insults I've ever said toward those money makers
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
Randomize
