Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
Randomize
