guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
Would it be too much if i wore depends to new moon so i dont miss any of it?
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
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