I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
it will be an insanely irresponsible summer.the only things i plan on not doing are dying and getting pregnant.and even those are negotiable
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
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