some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
Watching the gap toothed girl get more ass than me is almost devastating.
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
Randomize
