Taljing aboutpenisrs w gerruly ska pops
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
Best part of being a cop: When I showed up at Thanksgiving with stitches in my head I could tell them I was "protecting and serving" not "drinking and falling down". Career validated.
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
He's so twisted that he's acting out Dragon Ball-Z by himself. The Tanquray and THC combo doesn't play around.
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
Randomize
