Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
Randomize
